9th Angelversary / Mommy (Mommy) Today makes nine years since my life was forever shattered, I say shattered because when something is shattered it can never be fixed. Nine years ago today our Baby Girl Haylee was taken from us in an accidental drowning. We have never been the same; we have been angry, confused, and broken but never whole. We miss her more and more with each passing day. We have done our best to create a new life for ourselves and our son, but we know that our old one is forever gone and their will forever be a whole in our lives that can't be filled.. We have tried to build a new and loving life for Bubba; we love him and know that Haylee would want us to give him the best life possible because she adored him so very much. He has been our light during such a dark time, with our love for each other and our loving memories of Haylee we move forward as a family with a missing piece and continue to build a happy home for Bubba, but we will never stop missing or loving Haylee no matter how much time passes.
It’s been nine long and hard years since you were taken at the tender age of four. Yet we love and miss you more with each passing day. I pray you can still feel our love and know you have forever changed who we are and how we live our lives. We will aspire to be more like you forever. I pray God guides on the rest of our journey, until we meet again.
Love Mommy, Daddy, Bubba and MeMaw
“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
― Rose Kennedy
8th Angelversary / Mommy (Mommy) Today makes 8 years that my Baby Girl “Haylee” was taken home to be with Jesus. Although I know she is in a wonderful place I am still human, and that means that I miss her desperately and wish she was still her with me. I was blessed to have her for four beautiful years. I cherish every single one of my memeories with her and know that she changed my life forever. I aspire each day to be more like her: generous, loving and kind. I hope that each day I live my life to honor her by being a good person and the best mother to Bubba that I can possibible be. I will always miss her, now and forever, unitl the day that we meet at Heavens gates. I love you my sweet precious baby girl, love Mommy
Haylee Danyelle Mazzella “Baby Girl” July 13, 2001 – June 3, 2006
12th Birthday / Mommy Of Baby Girl (Mommy)
Haylee Danyelle Mazzella
MY SWEET BABY GIRL
IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY
YOU’D BE TURNING TWELVE
BUT THAT WILL NEVER BE
I CAN STILL SEE YOUR FACE
ALWAYS SMILING AT ME
I CAN FEEL YOUR PRESENCE IN EVERYTHING I DO
HOW CAN THIS BE REAL
A LIFE WITHOUT YOU
I LONG TO SEE YOU, TO HOLD YOU JUST
ONE MORE TIME
I ACHE IN UNEARTHLY WAYS
I LONG TO BE WITH YOU
NO MOTHER SHOULD FEEL THE AGONY I FEEL
WITH LOOSING YOU
I KNOW I WAS BLESSED
WITH THE LOVE YOU GAVE TO ME
I AM A CHANGED PERSON
BY YOUR GENTLE SPIRIT
THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE
AND THE TIME WE HAD TOGETHER
I ACHE FOR YOU ON YOUR
BIRTHDAY LIKE EVERY DAY BEFORE
SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY
TO MY SWEET BABY GIRL
WHO SHALL STAY FOREVER FOUR
LOVE ETERNALLY, MOMMY
7th Angelversary / Sad &. Broken Mommy Of Baby Girl Haylee (Mommy)
Sweet Haylee Girl, it seems impossible for seven years to have passed since you were taken from me. I can remember the day you were born like it was yesterday, the happiest day of my life, the day I became a mother, your mother; and I will never be able to forget June 3, 2006 the tragic day you were taken so unexpectedly.
I know that people believe that there is a time limit on grief but I am here to tell you there isn’t. I grieve every day of my life, I long to see you, to hold you, and to kiss you again. The longing for this will never end and therefore my grief continues. Yes, I have learned to hold my grief close and to share is with only those close few who understand and respect it, but it is always a part of me just as you are and always will be a part of me. I miss you every day with all my heart and yet today somehow I miss you more. Your Angelversary is a very hard day for me; it’s a reminder of what could have been if you had not been taken so young. I know you are in a better place with Jesus and Pop, but I am only human and I wish you were here with me. I wish I could have seen, seen so much…………………………………….
Thank you for allowing me to call you my daughter, My Baby Girl and making me a better person. Even though I only had you for four short years they made me a more loving and companionate person. I cherish our time together and know that one day we will meet again in Heaven where we will live together for eternity. So until then pray for me, Daddy, and Bubba. I will honor you always by being the best mommy and overall person I can be, I hope when we meet again I have made you proud t call me Mommy.
I Love You More Much!! Mommy
6th Angelversary / MOmmy Of Baby Girl Haylee
Haylee Danyelle Mazzella 2001-2006
Six Years Later
Between two pretty pigtails Tied with ribbons made of pink Two big eyes that sparkled blue And crinkled with a wink
A pretty little ruffled dress And high heels on her feet The girliest of little girls She made our lives complete.
Sometimes she was a dancer Ballerina at the barre Sometimes she was a dinosaur sayin’ ‘love you’ with a “rawr”
Packed with personality Our Baby Girl so dear Daughter, granddaughter, cousin, We wish she still was here!
Taken cruelly from us Just weeks before turning five Our hearts reside in yesterday When she was still alive.
It’s coming up on six years now Since skies came crashing down Since heartfelt smiles just disappeared Replaced by lonely frowns
We wonder with such longings In Heaven does she still twirl? Has she met a true-blue dinosaur? Does she know she’s still ‘Our Girl’?
Does she still speak in sweetest tones And giggle with delight? When stars glow in cloudless skies Are we witnessing her light?
Questions left unanswered Though asked each single day The one we cry the loudest “WHY COULDN’T SHE JUST STAY? Six years ago they told us That time will heal all pain But we answer six years later Those words were said in vain!
Magic really isn’t real Fairytales don’t come true Haylee Girl, the only cure For all this pain is YOU.
Love Now and Forever Mommy, Dada, Bubba and MeMaw Until We Are Together Again Know You Are Loved
It doesn’t seem possible for your Birthday to be today. I can remember the day you were born so vividly and feel it with such joy and amazement. That moment changed my life forever; it made me a new person with new purpose. Yet I can also remember the day you were taken with agonizing pain and a haunting reality of pain that day too changed who I am and how I would survive the rest of my life.
Although I only had you for four years my life was enriched and filled with a love like I had never known before. One only a parent can understand. People ask me if I new what was going to happen would I have still had you YES I wouldn’t give those four glorious years up to escape any of the pain I have or will endure until we meet again for anything. My greatest accomplishment in life is being a mother to you and Bubba.
I know we are not physically together Baby Girl but I am with you and you are with me: so Happy 10th Birthday and may you feel my arms around you as you celebrate with Pop Jesus and all those who I know have fallen in love with you in Heaven. May the sky be pink and fluffy to reflect your gentle spirit to the world on this special double digit Birthday.
Pink ribbons in blond ponytails Pink color on her clothes Pink shoes with tiny little heels Pink polish on her toes.
Pink cheeks in rosiest of glows Pink lips I loved to kiss Pink sweaters to keep her warm Pink things I’ll always miss.
“Pink”. It stands for Baby Girls So soft and dearly sweet I cherished my sweet Baby Girl From head down to her feet.
She twirled in tutus made of pink And danced into my heart Every time I see pink now A flood of memories start.
You see, my pink baby doll The one who owns my heart Wears wings of pink these days And plays her Angel part.
Now she watches over me From pink sunsets in the sky We tried so hard to save her Begged God, “Don’t let her die.”
I’ll never, ever understand Why God takes little girls Who look so darling dressed in pink Their hair in softest curls.
There’s just one lovely color That can touch me deep inside Every time that I see pink Are all the times I’ve cried.
Now I buy memory bracelets For the Angel that I miss They are the sweetest shade of pink And are worn on countless wrists.
Because of her sweet spirit People all across the world Wear pink in her dear memory My darling Haylee Girl.
All across the USA And countries near and far Pink tributes honor Haylee Girl Our bright pink shinning star
IT’S BEEN FIVE LONG AND HARD YEARS SINCE YOU WERE TAKEN AT THE TENDER AGE OF FOUR. YET WE LOVE AND MISS YOU MORE WITH EACH PASSING DAY. I PRAY YOU CAN STILL FEEL OUR LOVE AND KNOW YOU HAVE FOREVER CHANGED WHO WE ARE AND HOW WE LIVE OUR LIVES. I WILL ASPIRE TO BE MORE LIKE YOU FOREVER.
LOVE MOMMY,DADDY, BUBBA,& ME MAW FOREVER
Angelversary - 4yr Tribute to the Best of us All / Sad Sad Mommy of Baby Angel Haylee ("Baby Girl" )
Orange was her favorite drink A rainbow was her smile Now all the color's disappeared Since death took my dear child
Sweet dreams I have of pigtails a small girl dressed in pink But then I wake and she is gone and down does my heart sink
Grey it primers my whole world With such a ghostly pall Brown the earth in which she rests My sweet pink baby doll
All the pretty shades of pink that shone round her so bright have faded now and been replaced by shades of black and white
Yellow is the hope long lost That beckons come home please White is her light pure and true That brings me to my knees
Gold settings house the ruby stones That symbolize her birth Her ruby stones I wear each day To symbolize her worth
Red is rage and anger Which never go to sleep White and desperate are the tears My eyes and soul now weep
Deep purple are raw bruises That bleed within my soul Pink was my sweet baby soft Without her I’m not whole Grey’s the fog I see through As I try to find my way Yellow was the sun that fell From all my skies that day
A shiny silver locket For my little girl I wear Tucked safely in the heart of it My pretty one’s blonde hair
Crimson is the deep red shade A mother’s shattered heart How does it go on beating When we’re two worlds apart?
Beige are all the sands of time I somehow must live through Pink are lovely memories My heart broken and blue Rusted was the knife that sliced Right through my soul that day The wounds have only festered Since fate took her away
Green's the color of the leaves In her pink garden of flowers Bouquets I water with my tears In these grief-stricken hours
In fondest dreams I still see her My Haylee Girl so dear The colors of her memory Remain so bright and clear
And every time you look at me There's proof love never dies for there is my sweet baby girl Reflected in my eyes
IT’S BEEN FOUR LONG AND HARD YEARS SINCE YOU WERE TAKEN AT THE TENDER AGE OF FOUR. YET WE LOVE AND MISS YOU MORE WITH EACH PASSING DAY. I PRAY YOU CAN STILL FEEL OUR LOVE AND KNOW YOU HAVE FOREVER CHANGED WHO WE ARE AND HOW WE LIVE OUR LIVES. I WILL ASPIRE TO BE MORE LIKE YOU FOREVER.
It’s Mommy, today makes three years since you were taken. You would be out of school for the summer and getting ready to turn eight in July. The pain is still there and I struggle each day to get out of bed and survive without you. At times, I feel as if I want to scream, hit, or break things (or someone) but I know Sweet Haylee Girl, you don’t want mommy acting like that. You want me to cherish our memories forever. And to share our love with Bubba and let him know his Sissy stills watches over him everyday with love.
I make no apologies for feeling the way I feel and do not care if someone feels as if I should be further in my process....who gives a damn about them...this is my world and I am the one that has to live it-no survive it. My anger, frustration, depression, confusion and love are what help me know I’m alive and that I must strive to stay that way for Haylee and Bubba.
Besides, everyone has gone on with their lives. They have left Haylee in the past and moved to the next page of their story. I know this is how life is but that doesn’t make it fair or easy for me to except. I am trying to find purpose in this life but some days it’s just too painful, too hard. All I want is my family to be whole again. Too see my little girl smile and play with her baby brother. But these simple blessing will never be. I will never hold her, kiss her or see her again. Can anyone tell me how I’m supposed to live in world where the best part of me has been taken for no reason and I am left with no answers. I ache now and forever for my beautiful “Baby Girl Haylee”.
Haylee Danyelle Mazzella “Baby Girl” July 13, 2001 – June 3, 2006
Having bitter sweet memories of you on your 7th Birthday. I never knew love likes your before. You were pure innocents and full of a sweet gentle spirit. I think of you with complete awe. Why was I chosen to be your mother, I have known no greater honor. Your sweet little life changed mine forever. You gave me a reason to be more loving and companionate, I am forever grateful. But this amazing honor and gift came at a great price: the price of loosing you at such a young age and to such a tragic and horrifying death. I will never understanf or except any reason for your death but I am greatful for the blessing of being your mother and knowing you as “My Baby Girl”. I hope that when we meet in Heaven you remember me and still love me the way that I love you.
This poem is not mine but as I read it I realized my life was on this paper. The author is unknown yet speaks for so many of us. Their voice tells all of our stories. We may not know each other but we are bonded in our grief and constant pain of the loss of our children. My heart goes out to the author and all of those who feel as I do.
"What Is Normal After Your Childs Death"
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.
Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th and Easter.
Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or birthday party...yet feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers and see the casket.
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every little girl who looks like she is my baby's age. And then thinking of the age she would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of Haylee’s death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal".
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child's memory and her birthday and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fit's the occasion. Happy Birthday? “Not really”.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special my baby loved. Thinking how she would love it, but how she is not here to enjoy it.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention Haylee.
Normal is making sure that others remember her.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss Haylee forever.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.
Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.
Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals, bodies being referred to as cadavers, when you know they were once someone's loved one.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because..." I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven, but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why healthy babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed Haylee.
Normal is avoiding McDonald's and Burger King playgrounds because of small, happy little girls that break your heart when you see them.
Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.
And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal".
MEMAW AND I GO TO THE CEMETERY ALMOST EVERYDAY. BUT TODAY ON YOUR ANGELVERSARY OF TWO YEARS, WE ALL WENT: MOMMY, DADDY, BUBBA, MEMAW, TODD AND NANA. UNCLE ROBBIE WENT LATER IN THE AFTERNOON, HE SAID THE WIND CHIMES WERE SINGING, MABYBE IT WAS YOU.
AUNT SHERRY, UNCLE RUST, JO-JO, AND RA-RA ARE ALL HERE IN SPIRIT. THE ARE TOGETHER AT HOME ACHING FOR YOU IN WAYS THAT CAN NOT BE EXPRESSED. THEY ALL ASK WHY THIS HAS HAPPENED AND HOW THEY CAN UNDERSTAND THEIR PAIN AND TRY TO HELP ME WITH MINE. THEY MISS YOU AND YOUR SPECIAL TIME TOGETHER, HOW YOU LOVED THEM AND HOW THEY LOVED YOU. THEY SPENT THE DAY PLANTING A “SPECIAL HAYLEE GARDEN’ FULL OF PINK FLOWERS AND A SWEET CHILD BENCH COVERED WITH ANIMALS, SINCE YOU LOVED THEM SO. IT IS A WONDERFUL WAY TO HONOR YOUR LOVING SPIRT AND SPECIAL MEMORY. WE WERE ALL BLESSED BY YOUR SWEET SPIRIT AND LOVING WAYS.
WE BROUGHT BEAUTIFUL PINK ROSES, AN ANGEL MADE OF FLOWERS, PRINCESS BALLOONS LIKE YOU LOVED, A PAIR OF PRINCESS FLIP FLOPS SLIPPERS. AND MANY PINK KNICKKNACKS THAT REMIND US OF YOU. WE PLACED THEM ALL AROUND YOUR HEADSTONE HOPEING YOU CAN SEE FROM ABOVE ALL OF OUR ACHES AND PAINS BUT MOST OF ALL OUR NEVERENDING AND UNDYING LOVE FOR YOU.
WE MISS YOU IN WAYS THAT WE CAN NEVER EXPRESS NOT IN WORDS OR ACTIONS.OUR LIVES ARE SAD AND LONELY WITJOUT YOU HERE. WE HOLD YOU CLOSE IN OUR MEMORIES AND ORR HEART, UNTIL THE DAY WE KNOW WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN. WE LOVE YOU NOW AND ALWAYS, “MY BABY GIRL” .
As you release this butterfly in honor of me, know that I'm with you and will always be. Hold a hand, say a prayer, close your eyes and see me there. Although you may feel a bit torn apart, please know that I'll be forever in your heart.
Now fly away butterfly as high as you can go, I'm right there with you more than you know.
By Jill Haley
Sweet Haylee “Baby Girl”,
Mommy, Dadu, Bubba & MeMaw went to the Companionate Friends Memorial Butterfly Release today (4-20-08). We are always so sad when we think of your loss at the the tender age of four. And today we shared our loss with those who have lost their children as well. We share a bond with them that we did not choose but that was forced upon us. We all grieve and we all ache for our children, our sweet, sweet babies. No matter the age or gender the loss has shattered our lives.
We each had a box with a beautiful butterfly in it. Then together we all released them to celebrate the lives of the children, of you who have touched our hearts and are still doing so from Heaven.
Sweet Haylee Girl, It's mommy, I lite a candle for you tonight (December 9, 2007) at the TCF candel light rememberance event, it was a beautiful and full of people honoring their children. Daddy, MeMaw, Bubba & Todd were with me to light candles for as well. It's been 18 months since you left us on your journey to heaven and it still hurts sooooo much. I just can't imagine not ever seeing you again in this life. I have been so lost and my heart so broken. I miss you so much it hurts to breath. I put on a good show for everyone, but inside I am dying of the pain. I don't know how to let you go, and it's killing me. It's just not right for you to go before me, especially in such a needless and painful way. This is all messed up, a parent goes first, then a child. Our family is so not in order. I just wanted to let you know that you are loved and miss more than any words I can put here! There is a huge whole in my heart since you left and it will never heal on this earth. I try to let God back into my heart, but it hurts to feel your loss to much. I can't feel his love over the pain of losing you. I am totally alone without God helping me though this, but I just don't know what to do. It just hurts so much, sweetheart. And I guess I am angry with God for taking you. I am trying so hard to hide my pain and pretend everything is fine in this life, but everything inside is torn into a million pieces. I have all but lost my faith, and it scares me. I have always had God to carry me though the tough times, I’m trying hard to let him carry me now but I have so much anger and hate its like a og that’s covering his presence. I know he here, I just need to believe he will help me survive, how, I don’t know, but he will just as I know you are here watching over me, waiting for me to meet you in heaven. Well, honey, I sure hope that heaven is all it’s supposed to be, and that you enjoy being an angel as much as you did being a sweet little girl. Watch over me sweetheart, I need to believe you can hear me somehow and are happy,
I Remember / Mommy Of Baby Girl Haylee (Mommy) I remember the doctors words “Your Pregnant” I remember being sick & wishing you were here I remember your fingers, toes, and my new mom fears I remember your smile and the beauty of your sweet innocent face I remember your baby smell, your soft skin, and sweet embrace I remember that day you were taken, how I wish I could forget I remember the pain, the hurt, the fear and the sorrow I remember not wanting to see another tomorrow I remember while others forget I remember the joy you gave me and all who you met I remember as days, weeks, months & years go bye I remember you Baby Girl with each tear I cry I remember you now and forever I remember how you changed who I was and who I want to be I remember your unconditional love mostly I remember you, please don’t forget me I remember until again together we will be
HAYLEE DANYELLE MAZZELLA JULY 13, 2001 – JUNE 3, 2006
Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Girl You would have been six this year if God had not chosen to take you so early. Our lives have changed in so many ways since your loss. We think about how they would be so much richer if you were still here. It’s hard to accept that you are really gone and we must wait to be reunited with you once again. We miss you more and more with each breath. You were the love of our lives, our sunshine, our joy, and our inspiration to be more loving. We were blessed to have known you for four years but it was not enough, we still need your sweet spirit and gentle ways to help us through this dark hour. We will never understand your loss but hope to find strength in the love you left with us. We look forward to the day we see you again, until then remember you are loved more than ever and missed more than words could ever express.
Love, Mommy, Dada, Bubba, MeMaw,
(In the Compationate Friends News Letter for July)
Bitter Sweet 6th Birthday / Mommyy Of Haylee (Mother)
Haylee Danyelle Mazzella “Baby Girl” July 13, 2001 – June 3, 2006 Having bitter sweet memories of you on your 6th Birthday. You live in our hearts forever. You were the love of our lives, our sunshine, our joy and our inspiration to be more loving. We look forward to the day we see you again, until then remember you are loved more than ever and missed more than words can say.
Love Always, Mommy, Daddy, Bubba & MeMaw
In Times Picayune New Paper July 13th Obituary Memorials